I write about Personal Development / Emotional Intelligence / Leadership / Transformative Thinking / Innovative Approaches / Intellectual Integrity / Innovation / Empowerment / Organizational Transformation
Newsletter No. 161
Published 4 months ago • 19 min read
This week we explore the counterintuitive power of subtraction in leadership and life. From emotional minimalism to knowing when to quit, discover why doing less might be the key to achieving more. Plus, exclusive insights on communication styles, heritage vs. legacy, and how your rivals can become your greatest teachers.
INSIGHTS
Newsletter No. 161
Good morning! You don’t have to be perfect today—just 1% better. Or 0.5%. Or just not totally feral. Progress is progress.
This is a sneak peek of this week’s Deep Dives article — published today! Become a Deep Dives Member to get access to the full article.
In a world that celebrates loud voices and big emotional displays, what about those who lead quietly, feel deeply but express sparingly, and create calm in the chaos? Emotional minimalists often go unseen — but their restraint, steadiness, and intentionality can be a profound strength. In this Deep Dive, we explore how emotional minimalism shapes leadership, relationships, and personal well-being — and how to unlock its quiet power. 👉 Subscribe to Deep Dives and access the full article.
This is a sneak peek of this week’s Deep Dives article — published today! Become a Deep Dives Member to get access to the full article.
What if the key to becoming your best self isn’t about adding more — but about letting go? This Deep Dive takes you inside the art of personal growth through subtraction — from clearing mental clutter and overcommitted schedules to shedding outdated identities that no longer serve you. If you’re ready to lighten your load and focus on what truly matters, this piece is for you. 👉 Unlock the full article by joining Deep Dives.
This is a sneak peek of this week’s Deep Dives article — published today! Become a Deep Dives Member to get access to the full article.
We praise perseverance and grit — but real leadership also means knowing when to walk away. This Deep Dive reveals why the courage to quit can be a mark of strength, not weakness. We’ll explore how to spot the right moment to let go, avoid the sunk-cost trap, and lead with wisdom and integrity when it’s time to move on. 👉 Subscribe to Deep Dives for access to the full article.
This is a sneak peek of this week's Deep Dives Book Review — published today! Become a Deep Dives Memberto get access to the full Book Summary.
Overthinking, negative spirals, mental clutter — The Art of Letting Go by Nick Trenton offers a clear, compassionate roadmap to emotional freedom. Our in-depth summary distills the key principles, practical tools, and transformative mindset shifts that help you stop fighting your thoughts and start living with clarity and calm. 👉 Join Deep Dives to read the full detailed summary.
Speak Their Language: How to Master Communication with High-Empaths and Low-Empaths
In leadership, relationships, and everyday interactions, the way we communicate often determines our success — or failure. But here’s the tricky part: not everyone receives and processes communication the same way. One of the most overlooked yet powerful distinctions is whether you’re communicating with a high-empath or a low-empath.
Understanding these different wiring patterns can transform how your message lands, reduce misunderstandings, and build stronger, more authentic connections. So let’s break it down: what exactly should you do differently when speaking with high-empaths versus low-empaths? And how can you tailor your style for maximum clarity, connection, and impact?
What Do We Mean by High-Empaths and Low-Empaths?
Let’s start by defining terms:
High-empaths are individuals who naturally and deeply tune in to the emotions, moods, and needs of others. They tend to be sensitive to tone, body language, unspoken cues, and emotional undercurrents.
Low-empaths, on the other hand, may be more task-focused, logic-driven, or goal-oriented. It’s not that they don’t care — but they’re generally less attuned to or influenced by emotional nuance in conversations.
Neither is better or worse; both bring strengths and challenges. The key is knowing how to flex your communication style to suit the person in front of you.
Communicating with High-Empaths: Connection First, Content Second
High-empaths thrive on emotional resonance. If they don’t feel seen or understood, they may tune out your words, no matter how important your message is. Here’s how to speak their language:
Start with emotional context. Instead of jumping straight to facts or directives, take a moment to acknowledge the human side of the conversation. For example:
“I can imagine this project has been stressful.”
“I really appreciate how much care you’ve put into this.”
Use inclusive, soft language. Phrases like “Let’s explore…”, “What’s your perspective on…”, and “I’d like to understand how this feels for you…” invite dialogue rather than imposing direction.
Watch your nonverbal cues. High-empaths are sensitive to body language, tone, and energy. If your words say “I value your input” but your body screams “I’m impatient,” they’ll pick up on it instantly.
Validate emotions, even if you don’t agree. Saying “I see why that would feel frustrating” or “That makes sense that you’re upset” doesn’t mean you’re conceding the point — it means you’re acknowledging their experience, which keeps them engaged.
Give space for reflection. High-empaths may need a moment to process their feelings before offering solutions or decisions. Don’t rush to fill the silence; let them gather their thoughts.
Communicating with Low-Empaths: Clarity First, Connection Through Purpose
Low-empaths often appreciate direct, clear, and goal-oriented communication. Too much emotional preamble can feel inefficient or even disingenuous to them. Here’s how to keep their attention:
Lead with the headline. State your point early, crisply, and with confidence. For example:
“Here’s the challenge I need your help solving.”
“I have a proposal I want to run by you — it’ll take 5 minutes.”
Focus on facts, logic, and solutions. Low-empaths engage through rational clarity, not emotional nuance. Use data, clear reasoning, and practical outcomes to frame your points.
Limit unnecessary emotional language. While respect and courtesy always matter, low-empaths can perceive excessive emotional framing as distraction or fluff. Keep it purposeful.
Provide structure and next steps. Low-empaths appreciate knowing where a conversation is going. Summarize actions, deadlines, and ownership:
“So the next step is…”
“Here’s what I need from you by Friday.”
Don’t take bluntness personally, and don’t hesitate to be direct. If you dance around the point, you’ll lose their respect and focus. They value efficiency and clarity over diplomacy.
When You Don’t Know Who You’re Talking To
What if you’re not sure whether someone leans high-empath or low-empath? Start neutral:
Lead with the headline (“I’d like to talk through X”), but follow up with emotional awareness (“I know this may have felt frustrating”).
Watch how they respond — do they lean into the emotional validation or shift quickly to problem-solving? Adjust from there.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Assuming everyone processes feedback the way you do. High-empaths may find direct, blunt feedback wounding. Low-empaths may find too much emotional cushioning patronizing.
Using the wrong motivators. High-empaths are often driven by shared purpose and relational harmony. Low-empaths are driven by outcomes, efficiency, and achievement. Align your appeals accordingly.
Forgetting to flex mid-conversation. Sometimes, high-empaths want clarity. Sometimes, low-empaths hit an emotional wall and need a human touch. Stay adaptive.
Mastering Mixed Teams: One Size Doesn’t Fit All
In leadership, especially, you’ll often find yourself communicating with both high- and low-empaths in the same room. The best communicators learn to layer their messages:
Start with the purpose or headline to satisfy the clarity-seekers.
Layer in emotional validation or team-oriented context to bring the high-empaths along.
End with clear next steps so everyone walks away knowing what’s expected.
For example.“Here’s the issue we’re tackling today (headline). I know it’s been a tough week, and I appreciate everyone’s extra effort (emotional validation). Our goal is to land on a solution today so we can move forward efficiently (clarity + next steps).”
Great Communicators are Chameleons, Not Scripts
Ultimately, effective communication isn’t about rigidly choosing one style or another. It’s about reading the room, understanding your audience, and delivering your message in the way that will connect, inspire, and drive action.
By recognizing whether someone is wired as a high-empath or low-empath — and adapting your style accordingly — you’ll not only be heard, but you’ll build trust, respect, and meaningful results.
So, next time you open your mouth to lead, persuade, or collaborate — pause for a second and ask yourself: 💡 Am I speaking their language?
That’s the key to communication that doesn’t just inform, but transforms.
QUICK READ — PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
Heritage vs. Legacy: The Two Forces That Shape (and Are Shaped by) Who You Become
When we think about personal development — about growing, evolving, and striving to become the best version of ourselves — we often focus on what lies ahead: our goals, our dreams, our potential. But just as important as where we’re going is where we come from and what we leave behind.
Two powerful concepts sit at the heart of this dynamic: heritage and legacy. These aren’t just abstract words reserved for historians or philosophers. They are living, breathing forces that impact how we see ourselves, how we act in the present, and how we’ll be remembered long after we’re gone.
Understanding the difference between heritage and legacy — and how they intertwine — can help you navigate personal development with greater intention, purpose, and authenticity.
What Is Heritage? The Inheritance That Shapes You
Heritage is the starting point of your personal journey. It represents the cultural, familial, and societal influences you inherit. Your heritage includes:
The values passed down by your family.
The customs, traditions, and beliefs of your culture or community.
The lessons and scars from your ancestors’ struggles and triumphs.
The language, stories, and symbols that connect you to your roots.
Heritage is not something you choose — it’s something that is given to you, like a foundation upon which your life is built.
In personal development, heritage matters because it helps you understand the forces that shaped your early worldview. It informs your sense of identity, belonging, and even the internal narratives that play in your head.
Your relationship with your heritage can be complex. Sometimes, it fills you with pride. Other times, it presents beliefs or habits that no longer serve you, or that you must actively work to unlearn.
What Is Legacy? The Impact You Leave Behind
Where heritage is what you inherit, legacy is what you create. It is the imprint of your choices, actions, and character on the world. Legacy isn’t just about what happens after you’re gone — it’s about how your life affects others along the way.
Your legacy includes:
The values you model and pass on to others.
The relationships you nurture.
The contributions you make to your community, your field, or the world.
The emotional, moral, and practical impact you leave in people’s lives.
In personal development, legacy is the forward-facing question: What do I want my life to stand for? What will people remember about me — and what difference will I have made?
Unlike heritage, legacy is built through choice. It reflects how you use your gifts, your circumstances, and yes, even your heritage.
Why The Difference Matters in Personal Development
Too often, we think of personal growth as a solo endeavor — something we do purely for our own success or happiness. But when you see your life through the dual lens of heritage and legacy, personal development becomes something richer:
Heritage grounds you — reminding you where you came from, and what shaped your early identity.
Legacy elevates you — challenging you to think beyond yourself, to consider the long-term impact of how you live today.
Here’s where many of us get stuck:
Some people remain overly bound by heritage — letting inherited narratives, limitations, or wounds define them
Others chase legacy without understanding or honoring where they came from — building a future on shaky ground, disconnected from authenticity.
The most powerful path is to integrate both:
Understand your heritage — choose what to carry forward, and what to release.
Design your legacy — act with intention today to create the future impact you want.
How to Reflect on Heritage in Your Growth Journey
If you want to use heritage as a tool for self-awareness and growth, consider asking yourself:
What values were most emphasized in my family or culture growing up? How have these served me? How have they held me back?
What unspoken beliefs about success, failure, love, or worth did I inherit? Are they still true for me?
What cultural traditions or practices give me strength, pride, or connection?
Where am I carrying inherited pain or patterns that I want to heal or break?
Heritage isn’t something to blindly accept or reject. It’s something to explore, honor, and, where necessary, reframe so that it aligns with the person you want to become.
How to Shape Legacy Through Personal Development
Building legacy isn’t about grand gestures or waiting until the end of life. It’s about the daily choices that accumulate into meaningful impact.
Ask yourself:
What do I want to be remembered for — not just at my funeral, but in the hearts of the people I interact with now?
Am I living in a way that reflects the values I hope to pass on?
How am I using my talents, time, and resources to make things better for others?
What small, consistent actions can I take that align with the impact I want to have?
Legacy is built moment by moment, relationship by relationship. It’s not something you leave — it’s something you live.
Heritage + Legacy: A Framework for Intentional Growth
Here’s one way to think about integrating heritage and legacy in your personal development:
Heritage + Legacy
What shaped you
What you will shape
The story you inherited
The story you write
The gifts and challenges passed down
The gifts and impact you pass on
Unchosen starting point
Chosen direction
Rooted in the past
Reaching into the future
Both are essential. Your heritage gives you roots; your legacy gives you wings.
Practical Ways to Connect Heritage and Legacy
If you’re ready to weave heritage and legacy into your personal growth:
Create a heritage map. Journal or diagram the key cultural, familial, and societal influences that shaped you. Mark which ones you want to honor, and which ones you want to transform.
Write a personal legacy statement. Just as companies have mission statements, write 3–4 sentences that describe the impact you want to have on the people and world around you.
Live your legacy now. Identify one daily or weekly habit that reflects the legacy you want to leave — whether it’s mentoring, volunteering, modeling integrity, or nurturing relationships.
Share your heritage with intention. Tell stories from your background that uplift and connect, and work to heal or break cycles that don’t serve you or others.
You Are Both an Inheritor and a Creator
Heritage and legacy are two sides of the same coin. One is what life gave to you; the other is what you give to life. In your personal development journey, your job is not to be trapped by your heritage or obsessed with your legacy. Your job is to honor both: to understand your roots, and to grow something beautiful that future generations will inherit from you.
The question is not whether you will leave a legacy — but what kind of legacy you will leave, and whether it reflects the best of where you came from and where you chose to go.
QUICK READ — LEADERSHIP
Leadership Through Negative Space: The Power of What You Don’t Say or Do
When we think about great leadership, we tend to focus on what leaders do. We highlight their vision, their words, their decisive actions. But there’s an often-overlooked force that shapes organizations just as powerfully: what leaders don’t say or do.
It’s what artists call negative space — the area between and around the subject that gives it shape and meaning. In leadership, negative space is the silence in meetings, the body language that accompanies a decision, the behavior that goes unchallenged, the victories that go uncelebrated.
This is the space where culture is formed — not by grand speeches or official policies, but by the quiet gaps leaders leave behind. Let’s explore how this works, why it matters, and how you can become more intentional about the powerful “negative space” in your own leadership.
What Is Negative Space in Leadership?
In visual art, negative space is the empty area around the subject — the blank parts of the canvas that define the boundaries of the image. Without it, the picture would be chaotic and unreadable.
In leadership, negative space is everything unspoken, unwritten, and undone that nonetheless sends a message. It’s the silence that follows a team’s suggestion. It’s the behavior a leader witnesses but doesn’t address. It’s the priorities a leader never talks about — and thus, signals as unimportant.
These absences shape the culture, because in the absence of clear communication, people fill in the blanks. And often, those blanks create the true “rules of engagement” that govern how a team operates.
Examples of Negative Space in Leadership — And What They Signal
Let’s look at some examples of negative space at work:
The bad behavior unchallenged. When a leader stays silent as a team member interrupts, bullies, or dismisses others, it signals that such behavior is acceptable — or at least tolerable.
The great work unacknowledged. When hard work or innovation passes without comment, teams may conclude that extra effort isn’t valued, or that only mistakes draw attention.
The tough decision avoided. When a leader sidesteps difficult conversations or refuses to make a call, it signals that avoidance is acceptable, and accountability is optional.
The feedback not given. When a leader doesn’t offer guidance or correction, team members are left to guess where they stand — often assuming the worst.
The silence in a critical moment. A leader’s pause or quiet during a tense debate can either create space for others to contribute or be read as indifference, depending on the context.
Why Negative Space Shapes Culture
Your team is always watching. People look to leaders not just for what they say or do, but for the meaning in what’s left unsaid or undone. The human brain is wired for pattern recognition — and when leaders leave gaps, people instinctively try to fill them:
“She didn’t say anything when he interrupted, so I guess that’s just how meetings work here.”
“He never commented on that extra effort, so maybe it wasn’t worth it.”
“She didn’t address that client complaint, so maybe that level of service is fine.”
Over time, these small signals (or lack thereof) accumulate, defining what’s truly valued, what’s tolerated, and what’s ignored. And here’s the kicker: these unspoken norms often have more influence than formal policies or written values.
How to Lead Intentionally Through Negative Space
The good news is, once you’re aware of the power of negative space, you can begin to use it deliberately. Here’s how:
Get conscious of your silence
Ask yourself:
When do I tend to go quiet — and what does that silence communicate?
Are there moments where my lack of response might be unintentionally shaping the wrong behavior?
Example. If you always go silent when a team debate gets heated, you may be signaling discomfort with conflict — discouraging healthy debate.
Audit your gaps
Look at the places where your leadership might be unintentionally hands-off:
Are you consistent in recognizing contributions?
Are there team behaviors you’ve let slide, assuming they’ll self-correct?
Are you addressing the hard conversations or avoiding them?
Make a list of the “gaps” you want to close — the places where action or words would better reflect your values.
Decide what you’ll intentionally leave unsaid
Negative space isn’t always bad! Used well, it creates room for:
Others to step up.
Reflection.
Team members to voice ideas before the leader fills the air.
Example. A thoughtful pause after posing a question can invite deeper contributions. The key is to be intentional: I’m choosing this silence to empower, not because I’m disengaged.
Set the invisible standards
If you don’t want your team filling in the blanks with assumptions, set the context:
“I’m going to stay quiet here because I want to hear all of your ideas first.”
“You may notice I didn’t comment on that proposal yet — I need more data to evaluate it fully.”
These small clarifiers help ensure your negative space sends the right message.
Ask for feedback on your invisible signals
Sometimes the best way to understand the impact of your negative space is to ask:
“When I stay quiet in meetings, what does that signal to you?”
“Are there places where my lack of comment leaves you guessing?”
This not only helps you adjust, but models openness and self-awareness.
Negative Space Done Right: Leadership Superpower
When you learn to use negative space with intention, you can:
Create room for others to grow without micromanaging. Signal confidence in your team’s abilities. Encourage reflection and thoughtful dialogue. Demonstrate restraint, allowing your actions to speak louder than words.
Some of the most impactful moments in leadership come not from what you say, but from what you choose not to say — and how you create room for others to step into that space.
The Space Between Says It All
In art, negative space defines the image. In leadership, it defines the culture. Every pause, every silence, every unaddressed behavior — these shape your team’s understanding of what really matters.
So the next time you lead, don’t just focus on your words or actions. Pay attention to the gaps — and fill them with purpose. Because in the space between what you do and don’t do, that’s where leadership truly lives.
Quotes of the Week
QUOTE — EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
QUOTE — PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
QUOTE — LEADERSHIP
Reframing
Rethinking Rivals: How Competition Can Be Your Greatest Teacher
From a young age, we’re taught to view competition as a battle. Someone wins; someone loses. The faster, the smarter, the stronger — they take the prize. The rest fall behind. It’s a framing that sticks with us through school, work, business, and even personal pursuits.
But what if we’ve misunderstood the real value of competition? What if our so-called rivals aren’t obstacles on our path — but mirrors, mentors, and motivators that help us grow in ways we never could alone?
It’s time to reframe competition as collaboration in disguise — and see our competitors as some of our greatest teachers.
The Traditional View: Competition as Conflict
In most settings, competition is framed as a zero-sum game. For one person (or company) to win, someone else must lose. This fuels comparison, envy, and sometimes resentment.
Consider:
The colleague who always seems a step ahead.
The startup that launches a product just like yours — but faster.
The athlete or artist who edges you out at the finish line.
In this mindset, we fixate on beating them. We measure our worth in relation to theirs. We lose sight of our own path because we’re too busy watching theirs.
The Reframe: Competition as a Catalyst for Growth
What if we choose to see competition differently?
👉 What if the person who challenges you is the person who helps you become your best?
When we stop viewing rivals as threats and start seeing them as sources of insight, everything shifts. Here’s why:
They reveal our blind spots. Rivals often succeed where we struggle. Instead of resenting this, we can study it: What are they doing that I’m not? What can I learn from their approach?
They raise our standards. Competitors force us to sharpen our skills, refine our ideas, and bring more focus and effort to our work. Without them, we might settle for “good enough.”
They show us what’s possible. When we see someone excel, it proves that a higher level is attainable. It expands our sense of what’s achievable.
They push us to innovate. Trying to outrun or outshine a rival encourages creative thinking. It forces us to ask: How can I do this differently? What unique value can I offer?
Lessons Our Rivals Teach (If We’re Willing to See Them)
Let’s break down specific lessons our competitors can offer:
Humility. There’s nothing like seeing someone outperform us to remind us we still have room to grow. That sting? It’s a signal to reflect, adapt, and improve — not a reason to despair.
Strategic clarity. A competitor succeeding where we’re struggling can highlight gaps in our strategy. Are they clearer about their niche? Better at execution? More in tune with their audience?
Use this as fuel to revisit your plan — not copy them, but refine your own path.
Resilience. Facing competition toughens us. We learn to bounce back from setbacks, stay focused despite distractions, and develop the grit to keep going when things get hard.
Originality. In trying to differentiate ourselves from rivals, we often discover what makes us truly unique. Competition forces us to dig deeper for our authentic voice, product, or contribution.
Empathy. When we stop seeing competitors as enemies, we can admire their journey. They’re navigating challenges, doubts, and fears just like we are. This perspective builds respect and maturity.
How to Reframe Competition in Your Own Life
If you want to shift from rivalry-as-conflict to rivalry-as-classroom, here’s how:
Study, don’t stew. When you feel triggered by a competitor’s success, pause. Instead of stewing in frustration, study what they’re doing well. Break it down. What decisions, actions, or qualities helped them get there?
Ask: What can I do better — not the same? It’s tempting to mimic what works for a rival. But true growth comes from asking, What’s my unique angle?What do I bring that they don’t?
Collaborate where possible. Sometimes, your fiercest competitor could be your greatest ally. Can you partner, co-create, or share resources? Healthy competition doesn’t preclude collaboration.
Celebrate their wins. Yes — really. When you train yourself to feel inspired rather than envious, you lighten your mental load and open your mind to learning.
Keep the focus on your progress. Competition is useful only if it fuels your growth. Don’t let it pull you into endless comparison. Measure yourself against who you were yesterday, not who someone else is today.
When Competition Becomes Toxic — and How to Avoid That Trap
Of course, not all competition is healthy. It can become toxic when:
You fixate on “beating” someone rather than creating value.
You tie your self-worth to outperforming others.
You sabotage relationships or opportunities out of rivalry.
The solution? Keep bringing your focus back to learning, growth, and contribution. Use competitors as mirrors, not measuring sticks.
Examples of Competition as Teaching in Action
Throughout history and modern times, we see this reframing play out:
Steve Jobs and Bill Gates. Fierce competitors, but also mutual sources of inspiration and learning. Both acknowledged the other’s influence on their thinking.
Serena Williams and Venus Williams. As sisters and rivals, they pushed each other to historic heights, crediting one another for their growth.
Startups in emerging sectors. Competitors in industries like clean energy or health tech often drive innovation by watching, learning from, and improving on each other’s breakthroughs.
Your Greatest Rivals, Your Greatest Teachers
The next time you feel the sting of rivalry, try this reframe:
This person isn’t here to block my path. They’re here to illuminate it.
They’re showing you what’s possible. They’re helping you see where to aim higher, think smarter, work braver.
When we stop fighting our rivals and start learning from them, we don’t just win over others — we win over our lesser selves.